I don't.

This is going to sound ridiculous coming from me, but I really, really loathe my body.
I have 10 fingers, I have 10 toes.
I am not obese.
I do not, aside from a few very minor scars from an accident involving a window when I was younger (hahaha) have any 'problem' with my body at all.
It is selfish, ungrateful, self obsessed, but everytime I see myself in the mirror, I grimace. I look at myself and I think "how could anyone, ANYONE, not find this thing disgusting."
And then I feel guilty for thinking this.
Because there is nothing 'wrong' with me, and yet I still hate my physical appearance.
I see parts of it and I feel like crying.
I feel like punching myself for things I can't change, and things that aren't supposed to matter.
Yet behind simply 'not liking' my body, there are other things, and explanations.
I know that the majority of reasons I despise my physical self, can be put down to mental confusion.
I guess I understand that.
It is hard to explain the reason for this confusion, without giving away a load of very personal things about my life, which I don't really believe I have the right to scream out to the whole world, as they don't just affect me individually.
But basically, my brain is thinking "why don't I look like x? I am supposed to. I am MEANT to. But I don't, so, obviously I am a freak."
But instead I just get "I am a freak", with no explanation.

Ack.
I did not enjoy writing that. But I am very glad I've got it off my chest.

White

I think I have had what some people would describe as a wonderful experience.
I just looked out the window, and noticed that along the edges of the glass panes, there is a fresh, crisp lining... of snowflakes.
I opened my window, and immersed my hand in the outside air. When you have been inside, technically since 6:30, and for the majority of that time absorbed in a book, swathed in a multitude of different blankets, and with a fat tortoiseshell cat at your feet, deciding to bring any part of your anatomy outside the shelter of your bedroom, through a window, is like stepping into ice cold water. You feel the goosebumps creeping up your spine, down your neck, you shiver and wonder why you are actually doing this....

.... and then you see the infinite expanse of white before you, spread open like a blank canvas, save for the silhouetted trees lined across the edges like dribbled ink.

After what felt like years of standing, staring, emmersed in my own white world, I suddenly felt little shivery brushes against my arm, which then settled on my cold skin.

I bought my extended arm back into the comforting land of tortoiseshell cats and good books, and saw the brushes were tiny, baby pieces of white themselves, little shreds of lace which had been scattered up my arm.

I then turned off my light, and peered outside, properly.

And I saw that there were feathers of white falling from the sky.

And if you lean out of the window at a slightly dangerous angle, and look up, you can see the feathers getting larger and larger as they get closer and closer to you, like someone has been hoovering the sky, and is now standing on a cloud, emptying their hoover on the world, emptying frozen dew beads and white feathers onto every surface, covering gardens, tickling noses, and and glittering on window panes.

And I felt like crying with happiness. But instead I laughed, amd saw my laughter dancing out in front of my lips in dragon smoke tendrils.

So yes.

It is snowing.

Let me introduce myself

♫♪♥Hello♥♫♪
My name is whatever you wish to call me
I am a funny sort of girl
I get attatched to people too easily
If you are friends with me once you are my friend for life
I talk to my friends at 3:00 in the morning if they want to talk
I love life and all the little things in it which make me want to sing
I love serendipity
I love inspiring quotes
I have a degree in day dreaming
Though my profile says I'm single I like to hope I'm not
Smiles make me smile
I love bands no-one has heard of
I love movies with happy endings
I love it when girls who do not think they are beautiful find someone who realises they are
I think Colin Firth looks like my Dad
I love boys with crazy names and hair that sticks out in all directions (:])
I love to laugh because it's good for me
I like to read because it takes my mind off other things
I love the small things in life that no-one seems to notice, like puddles that are shaped like hearts and the way city lights look in the evening from a distance
I love people who love maths and science
I love photography because it makes you notice stuff in life that you wouldn't notice otherwise
I love music because I lose myself in it
I love big notebooks and the anticipation the blank pages hold
I love my Grandma's apple blossom perfume
I love books because every time you read one you are discovering a new place
I love my cousin Charlea because she is beautiful and a wonderful friend
I love absurd conversations about why walkers salt and vinegar crisp packets are green and everyone else's are blue
I love Katie Bell, Helen Stevenson, Vicky Bull, and Bibby Keir and every friend I have
I love stars because they seem like a million friends
I love rainbows because they are beautiful and are like upside down colourful smiles.
I love
the smell of fresh doughnuts
writing
Love
Magic
Rhuairidh James
Glitter glue
Sand
Ice skating
Smiles
dancing
orange and yellow and green
Rainbow coloured sprinkles
Singing (though I can't)
Golden syrup
Britannia High
Friends, and making new ones
Life, and living it
and you. :)